Godfather

since sunday, i had been hosting cebu exchange students in the hostel:). at first i was place in-charged of 1 cebu guy then some how i had 2 cebuians (for convenience sake), then taiwan (yes thats his name) shamelessly unloaded his buddy on me so i had 3. well it did not stop there. 2 other cebuians ditched their singaporean buddies to join me and so in the end i had 5 cebuians with me for 2 days.

as i walked around in school, in my shadows lurked 5 burly figures.

and that was how i became mafia boss for 2 days.

they left the hostel today for some sleazy hotel without a lift.




noob late comers



ms cherry dumdum (dun laugh ar)



noobs in a line



girls



more girls



my mafia



08S09 interactors plus cebuians

week 1

week 1 in the boarding house was absolutely fun.

1. gotta know a bunch of other leaders which are more of a wide eyed noob than i was.

the gang includes (in no order of preference): ME, liu min, derrick, (derek), norman (my fellow himbo twin), Ting tings (ting yun), Edward. we plan to include Wen song (i reserved a nick name for him: soggy or sheng song or song and song (this really cheap boutique) depends on which one he prefers), Calvin (still working on nick names cause christian names are no fun) adn Jacky (aka jackie chan). we have our eveningly mugging sessions in the dinning hall where we mug and binge on imitation wang wang rice crackers and nei nei (according to norman's thai tourguide its milk in chinese ) and also place our regular bets on the scores of NJ teams competing in nationals (during which each bet is 1 honey star).

2. discovered that there is a singer in everyone.

well everything first started with norman, our jukebox with spoilt volume and on/off controls. he would quack out jap and korean songs during our mugging sessions and we would try to shut him up with great pleasure. then there is derek who decides to be a castratee all of a sudden. he sings all Avril Lavigne songs in DOUBLE SHARP. finally there is me who brought new meaning to the word "torture". btw kok leong sings as well.

3. realised that you should never pick a shower cubicle with the trap.

on that very faithful wednesday evening, i picked the corner shower cubicle cause it was near the door and i had no idea what a huge difference this choice made. initially the floor trap was already cluttered with hair and what not so when the people from nighbouring cubicles bathed all the water flowed to my cubicle causing a huge deluge . all the dirty soapy water flooded my cubicle while hairs of the people who bathed the day before wriggled in between my toes god that was SICK.

and so on thurs morning, i pick the cubicle on the other corner, thinking that there is only one trap in that whole row of 4 cubicles. hell no! that cubicle had another trap too and so i did not care cause its still in the morning and no one is bathing at the same time as me so there will not be a tsunami of armpit/pubic/facial hair. so i took off all my clothes and ran the shower then i noticed some thing jumping. my spectacles were off but i could confirm that there was a cricket jumping up and down on the trap. i decided to drown it with more water but it must be the micheal phelps of the cricket family cause it just hoppped happily in the water. whenever i tried to stomp on it, it jumped so i stomped again and so i was having this little tap dance with the cricket (there was a similar event outside my room except it involved an over energetic grasshopper). anyway in the end the cricket found its way to the adjacent cubicle after some more dancing.

3. there are many people afraid of insects

well this story involved derek and his room mate edward. so they were in their room and they found a huge insect on their door frame. i have no idea how huge it was but all i know is that people in fear tend to exaggerate the size of insects, believe me i know. anyway they were afraid to smack the insect cause it could fly and sting them. so they stood in front of the door planning how to capture the insect (this is njc for god's sake. a little planning goes a very long way). they finally decided to capture it with the plasic bag in the dustbin then throw it away and that was what happened. well this is evident of a failure in singapore's education system. they can teach us how to separate 5 organic chemicals but cant teach us how to kill insects.

4. there are a WHOLE LOT of scholar couples

this is really sickening cause there are couples everywhere. just go down to the dining hall at night and you can see them snuggling together. god its a freaking HOSTEL not a SLEAZY MOTEL damit. i dont care if you go to your rooms and make scholar babies but dont do it in front of us.

night 1

There are many things undone here in the boarding house... eg. Games room which currently consists of several octagonal tables and chairs, gym/exercise corner that seems to be some temporary storeroom, pantries that don’t even have a microwave oven…

Everyone seems to be here to mug. At the dining hall, I wined that without internet (and there isn’t), I can’t facebook. And upon hearing the word facebook, everyone stared as though I used the F word… I did not even mention blogging… dam these people

Guess who my roomie is…..

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Teo kok leong.

2 pigs in a room, we are so dead.

moving along

i have not told many people about this because i had this hunch that i mught pussy out at the end. but anyway its all confirmed and so here goes:

I AM GONNA BE LIVING IN NJ HOSTEL FOR 2 MONTHS.

god i am so excited. living with some stranger for 2 months sounds like woa. may god bless my so fortunate roomie cause i aint exactly any other guy with goggle tan-lines (lord knows i am trying to get rid of those).

big obnoxious auntie (BOA)

this was how i remembered:

i was sitting on the "priority seat" on the mrt which was approaching boon lay at that time. before the door opened, BOA was gluing her lumpy body to the mrt doors as though her weight will miraculously force the door open. from what i observed, BOA was eyeing the empty seat beside me but when the door opened, to her great pleasure, another auntie rushed in to take the seat beside me, to BOA's greatest displeasure. BOA frantically turned her gaze around in hopes of spotting another empty seat but there was too many competitive able bodied young people then who tactically took the seats near the door. BOA then STARED at me as though she is "priority". i bet she was half expecting me to give up my seat graciously like a gentleman cause i was witness to her desperate attempt to get a seat earlier. i can never forget those bulging eyes and flaring nostrils and oddly, those thighs that scream "MOTHER OF 20 100kg BABIES"

i returned her with the "HAHA slow poke" eyes and she got my message. she then leaned against the glass panel right beside me, perhaps thinking that she could scare me away with the sight of her butt pressing precariously against the glass.

and so i did a great stretch and tried to sleep, feeling all triumphant.

after the mrt left jurong east, i was disturbed by this lady talking really loudly over the phone (i pressumed initially and was right). i opened my eyes and BOA was sitting beside me.

she was speaking in this weird Cantonese-yet-sounds-vietnamese dialect. though i can only decipher certain words, this was how i thought she said. i was listening to my mp by the way:

BOA: this bag of bones din let me take his seat la. obnoxious right?

mp3: Let him know that you know best Cause after all you do know best Try to slip past his defense Without granting innocence

BOA: yea i hate people like that. cnat they see that we have to stand till raffles?

mp3: When I grow up I wanna be famous I wanna be a star I wanna be in movies When I grow up I wanna see the world Drive nice cars I wanna have Groupies (its GROUPIES NOT BOOBIES Ameline!!!)

(well actually she did not talk so little but i cant really cant comprehend the mumbo jumbo in between)

BOA: Yea Yea and i am teaching him a lesson right now. tick tick

this was when i started to turn around and to by ohmybloodyhellsavemegodplease horror, BOA was DIGGING her snout and flicking then in my direction. i freaked out. oh my shit this lady is trying to punish me with her nose shit. i clenched my jaw and tightened my fist. i knew i cant shout at her just yet cause EVERYONE would stare and laugh. thankfully we were approaching queenstown (my destination) and so when door opened i SHOT out of the train.

if i ever knew apathy towards a BOA would be so devastating, i would have GRACIOUSLY let her have my seat

Modnar 1

modnar1:
mousehunt is currently down and so i cant do anyhting but to wait for it to go up again. and so while waiting i have got a story to tell:

the temple was a busy place. villagers came with offerings and prayers daily. some of them prayed for rain, some prayed for a better business, some prayed for their married daughters, some prayed for life, one prayed for death, the death of shang mei.

shang mei was stunningly gorgeous. suitors have came from all over the town with bales of silk and troves of gold ingots, all in hope of having permission to marry her. despite that, shang mei paid no heed for she is the shrine maiden.

she was the prettiest of the bunch: pink lips, smooth skin, long black curly hair. the envy of every girl in the village, fantasy of every man she was but none could get close to her, for she hides in the inner shrine of the la shing lo temple.

ok mousehunt is up. i will continue the story another day

the big-tall-strong-cramp man

anyway last friday there was this big tall man who almost drowned in the pool. he was really tall about 1.8m and strong but the weird thing was he had a cramp and was struggling with his hands flailing wildly in the air screaming and gasping for air when he was less than an arm's length from the ledge. further more he was at the shallow end of the pool!! i guess he was just to excited to notice.

heres the really eerie part. i had seen the same man at the same pool for exactly 3 trainings (that would mean mon tues fri of that week). he would always take the same white table at the pool. there was once when i was in the toilet with him, he was parading naked in the toilet. he packed his bag, brushed his hair, kept his soap IN THE NUDE. the toilet was rather croweded at that time and he REFUSED TO PUT ON AN UNDERWEAR at least.

god this world is full of weird people.

the curious case of the man-woman who refused to wear a bikini

anyway heres the tidbit.

last friday i did my time trial for 1.5km swim and it was crappy but anyway when i stopped, i was all groggy and tired. i glanced at the stairs by the pool and saw someone sitting on the steps, kicking water. then, i noticed that certain someone's long hair and what that appeared to be brown papayas. those are some saggy man boobs, i thought so i turned away to talk to some one else.

then i noticed the life guard approaching that person and they were engaged in some sort of argument. well my nosy side compelled me to find out what happened and that was what i did. so i acted as though my eye was irritated by the water and so i lifted my fogy goggles and pretened to rub one eye while my other eye stared at the 2 people in, literally, wide eyed horror. i saw a woman (i assumed at that time) topless and in only a pair of denim skirt sitting at the stairs.

heres my little conversation between my mind and my eyes:

eye: oh my can you believe it those were boobs. can they get so saggy?

mind: stop looking damit dont embarrass her

eye: god they look as though they were searching for coins on the floor

mind: stop looking!!! i think she knows that we are looking

eye: god shes so fat. why is she still going topless

mind: i guess she is some foreigner confused with the rules in singapore. stop looking damit *slaps eye*

eye: wait la. oh can you see that, i didnt know boobs can point in such awkward directions.

mind: oh ya. they look like some sign post at a cross road. oi stop rubbing the other eye la. its gonna get red. rub the other one

*hand rubs the other eye

*the other* eye: wah boobs leh

mind: ei stop looking ar

*the other* eye: cannot meh. never see before what

*mind and eye engages in a fight*

anyway the above took place in a couple of second during which i STARED at her.

i looked away soon enough and continued to swim. on my returning lap, the other swimmers were STARING at her.

and so i came to realise that she was a male-turned-female tranny just like my friend stefan.

shes really weird. she wants to be a women yet refuses to wear a bra like wtf??!!

Its stefan's bday

woohoo. today marks the birth of our gang's very own male siren (well siren refers to that mystical creature that sings beautifully and also refers to that thing that screams pee-pooo-pee-pooo on the ambulance).

this blog post is a tribute to stefan. may all the RJ J1 boys fall in love with him.

Tia

i am seriously apologetic for my absence in the blogosphere. well actually i am occupying my self with some thing really healthy: Lunia

for all the comp noobs out there lunia is a game where you go around casting spells and crushing cute monsters.

i will blog about something more amusing when i have the time such as the "curious case of the man-woman who refused to wear a shirt", "big-tall-strong-cramp man" and "the one who fell to his death". wow its like a am writing an article lol.