my pre-u scholarship self-praise essay

my opening statement:

i am so damn good-looking. i have traffic stopping good looks. in my opinion this is what you need to have to get a scholarship. also i am a horny slut that gets hit my the sex wave every other day.


i so love my opening statements. it introduces my everything to the reader in 3 sentences.

i was so horny yesterday night till it disturbed my friends like yining , eileen, li rui, wei da, vj guy and kok weng (rj guy). some times i wonder if i am the only person to be hit by this horny wave. *citation frm lirui: people probably get horny and wank it off. hmm i realised i am too public when it comes to horniness. normal people hide it coz they are shy abt it but i am not. when i am horny i like to go public. i like to feel loose. i like let go of all restrains. yeah tts what i am, horny.

anyway here are ways to cure horniness:

1. do pumpings(by lirui)
this new and authentic method is said to tire one out till one goes to sleep, apparently hoping that horniness will disappear when you wake up. ps do this only when u are a heavy sleeper.

2. bite your testis off (by me)
cruel and painful. the method targets directly at the root of the problem of high sexual libidos- the gonads. by removing the gonads testosterones levels would plunge significantly thus resulting in lowered horniness. ps: this method is only for people who dont want to have sex anymore and definately not for the faint hearted. also this method may be excuted with the help of a close friend who is willing to taste ur balls. it is prefered that no anesthetics are to be used since biting provides more pleasure.

3. wank it off
this is perhaps the most traditonal method that requires no help nor any insturments (unless you have bondage fetishes)it is proven to to very helpful in lowering libidos but its a short term solution. ps: doing things by ur self may be boring.

4. sex lor
sex the the preferred alternative since its the most pleasing method. if is often said two heads is better than one and i am sure this adage is as effective if the word "heads" is to be replaced with "privates". in any case the more the better