beyond the 7 colours

lately everyone is going gaga over yesterday's rainbow. speaking of gaga, lady gaga is my latest idol cause shes uber pretty.

anyway back to the point, i remember the days when rainbow is the hottest colour(s) in school. i remember when i was Primary 1 my teacher asked us what was our favorite colour. i shouted 'blue' in class that time. well i have always been a fan of blue since they day when i started to love blue ranger and blu tack but thats another story.
i remember a boy shouted 'rainbow' and the class was awed, just awed. rainbow to me, then, was the abalone of all shell food, the durians of all fruits (well i am hungry now so i can only think of examples relating to food). then the most appalling thing was everyone shouted they loved rainbow. at the time i was thinking that since blue is one of the colours of the rainbow, i should love rainbow since i get all 7 colours at a time. and that was how the '1 rainbow' class came about.

as i grew older, i became fond of more unique colours so in primary 3 it was silver, gold in primary 4 and finally metallic blue (i call it shiny blue) in primary 5 or 6.

i have seriously no idea why you are wasting your time reading my blog.

Catalogue

today i casually left the college annual on my desk. upon seeing the book which summarises all the dark and evil secrets of the supposed 1st Junior College in Singapore, mother's little rodent eyes lighted up. she grabbed the book and scurried to the bed room to share her loot with my father.

this was what happened when i found out what they had once again tried to do:

me what are you doing


mum and dad (m&d) ei ei come and show me which one is your class

*intermission: i did not appear in the class photo cause i was shitting my guts out while my class was making merry while taking the class photo


me neh this one la points to 08s09

m&d who is this one ar? points to ******* (you will thank me for censoring the names. btw i did not count the *s so dont bother counting)

me see yourself la, all the names below

m&d aiyo she got peacock eyes leh (well peacock eyes is a term my family coined to describe girls with small eyes)

m&d look at her chin... can poke fish balls and feed you leh

me huh? why feed me

m&d no la i mean when she becomes your wife. ei where is the ****

me flips page and points

m&d stares in horror wah she so old. like 20 30 years old like that. wah she getting rounder like her mother. (and i shall stop there cause what they said after that wasnt something you want to know but neither could i remember)

m&d where is the girl we saw at the ******(shopping centre)


me flips and point

m&d wah not bad leh this one. very sweet very nice

me ok la she not really that bad. got brains one la

m&d i am glad you like her too

me stunned

m&d aiyah dont look at this, the IP one better flips to random IP class pict

m&d eeyer look at this one. no good la the face. (and i assumed they were referring to some superstition crap)

me this is one of my swimmer smiling hopefully


m&d no good la. let you choose then you choose some one that looks like a hanger (another term copyright of the Wong family which refers to broad shoulders like that of a hanger)

m&d nevermind we choose for you, good one call you come and see. mummy know whats best for you.

leave it to my family. give them a college annual and they think its a catalogue of eligible bechalorettes.

Ms Cham-pok-(enter random beat box)-knee

ms champagne is probably the nicest old person around in school. come to think of it besides the cleaners there aint many old people around in school besides that undying fossilised woman i see every morning whom i am not going to dwell much on.

shes from N. america and has a pretty name : Iris. her full name, being Iris Champagne, is a name of a beautiful flower which looks like this:


anyway what i love about her is her general apathy towards american news nor news about civil wars in the middle east. its most relieving when our dearest walking irony diverts the class' attention to news on ipods and penguins claiming that they are bound to be on our A's this year.

she will so loving flash random malicious smiles when she talks about exams. more often then not, she adjusts her unbuttoned shirt which her wears on the outside (my senior calls them curtains cause they always have flowery patterns on them). her laughter is adorable that the entire class laughs at her laughter :D ever so occasionally her face scrunches up and her mouth open in a distorted fashion when she explains how grammar drills are absolutely useless (yes i am using an extreme word out of my love for LOVE of grammar). her goldfish memory makes her different from the other walking raisins in track shoes cause it spurs her on to desperately try to remember our names though with negligible progress. she tries to get closer to her students by sitting at on tables in the 1st row, throwing caution to the wind by refusing to cross her legs. when she tells us anecdotes, she will act them out, probably not cautiously, complete with actions and facial expressions. but it is most depressing when she gives us the last smile of the day and lumbers out of the classroom.

god i love this woman.

Big hearts and even bigger hearts

dont ask me what my title means cause i really have no idea.

on friday, no.1 was the best company. we spent 40 over dollars on food at Holland V and the rest of the day talking about what we did the past. its really diabetic when we start reminiscing all that the great moments we shared over the past years. i sent her home that day and we watched lousy shows from channel 8 at her house.

PS: i bought her flowers so suck it up losers.

on saturday, i spent it with Val and Sera who were at my house. Val was screaming and screaming for attention while sera was slogging off at her work. god these 2 are so freaking funny. Sera was toiling through her tutorials while i worked through my Econs test and chemistry SPA and lecture test. i really have no idea why they used such a soothing word for an assessment that is so goddam treacherous. Anyway, we were so busy that we had to order pizza for lunch (well that because i had coupons which gave us really great discounts). In the end Sera and I couldnt finish our work so i cooked dinner instead. Jurong Point was definitely gonna be really crowded anyway and i would have looked like an idiot spending dinner with those 2 lunatics.

Valentines day of 2009 is officially over.

Big Hearts and broken hearts

i dont really want to blog about valentines day cause ok nevermind i dont really know what to talk about.

oh i have to thank girls of G06 for the rose which is now on my desk. occasionally i will sing songs to it, silently hoping that it will suddenly jump alive and we can have one of those disney musical moments where the birds fly onto my head and chime in with irritating chirps while the squirrels and raccons scurry into my room to help me do my tutorials.

Speaking of Disney, i have never once taken a liking to any of the disney trashy princess series. Up till now i still cant comprehend how mice can sew clothes, snow white would rather stay with 7 filthy bushy men in a random faraway forest where she could get raped ever so often than with a old lady with a horrible case of boils, why didnt aladin wish for unlimited wishes, why sleeping beauty bothered to wake up, why bella has this beast-man complex.

ok back to valentines day, ameline was absolutely amusing today, but i shall leave it hanging there. you can go guess what crazy stuff she did.

anyway selling flowers are so much harder than selling my body.

bye bye

half way there

this week has been terrible. i have been irritable lately, constantly resisting the urge to shout at everyone . i kinda lost it today where i almost screamed at zhi xin for needing me to put her stuff in my locker. well i apologise but i really was pissed just now. today bw1 made a really snobbish remark and at that instant i really wanted to snap her neck but i didnt cause i will have to explain to Mr yip why her neck was at a 90 degrees angle and that aint pretty.

not only am i getting pissed all the time, i am starting to have a failing memory. just today i almost forgot my spectacles when i was leaving the house and really did forget to bring my wallet out of the house. more often than not i cant recall the messages i sent to others or if i even did send a message. people get about 2 of the same message from me sometimes. i cant remember names of people i've met 3 months ago nor can i differentiate sherin from cherie.

everyone seems to be unable to comprehend what say occasionally and i really dont know if i am speaking too softly of or if i am mumbling my words.

i guess the symptoms are clear, i am clearly reaching my mid - age crisis

into the ocean

eileen's sea monkey died. the cause of death is probably a suicidal plunge from the stacks of gold pieces at the bottom of the tank. i cant really pin point the trigger but i reckon that she/he/it must have sufffered trauma after her/his/its owner's friend tried to suck she/he/it into the pump.

today the mourn the death of a pet, an amusing companion, a great friend to all those that he/she/it has come into contact to unto some malevolent bastard tried to suck him/her/it up the mini pump.

all in a $10 hair cut

i dont even know what they call themselves nowadays. i used to call males who cut the hair of other males barbers. now there are females who cut hair for males and vice versa this world is really revolutionizing. no i am not going to turn this post into so mature thesis on gender revolution but instead i am going to post about my $10 dollar hair cut today. so for the sake of fluency, i shall call people who cut hair hair cutter.

so i marched into the hair cutter's lair and sat on the chair with full confidence that i shall get a botak hair cut today. well this happens all the time. before sitting down i would be all prepared and aplomb to expect all my hair to fall off my head but only until i look into the mirror.

i have no idea why haircutters love to use those huge and intimidating mirrors but anyway i looked into the mirror and thought: hey i dont really need to have this hair cut, its really neat as it is now. the mirrors have this balls-shrinking effect on over confident customers; they make people make impulsive last minute decision to change their intended haircut to something less drastic. so i squeaked "spike and slope. BUT not too short." my haircutter today was a guy called desmond mok and looked like a crocodile.

but anyway i digress. so that crocodile was snipping away at my hair while i silent pleaded for my hair to turn out fab-ber-lous (as my pw teacher pronounced it).

side note: while he was cutting my hair i noticed a distinct smell of blood and so i though that mr crocodile must have snipped my scalp but i wasnt long till i noticed that his middle finger was wrapped with 2 or 3 layers of band aid. mr crocodile also had this pen inked tattoo. that poor creature.

At the end he held a large oval mirror behind my head and asked if it was ok. i patronizingly felt the hair at my back and the top then nodded my head. i wasnt really satisfied though but oh well it was my monthly fashion disaster so i might as well get over with it.

i apologise for the lack of climax in the story. this story is a representation of how terribly boring my week was so pardon my lack of excitement

How my relatives stole Chinese New Year

Now that my chinese new year is almost over, i guess its time to lay out what happened.

the 1st day of cny started off with the usual visiting with my 7th grand aunt or rather the canto machine gun (cmg). since that was the 1st house i visited i tried my best to look excited. as usual she greeted us in her signature brown flowery PJs then poured us tea and started to yak. well this is the part where i love the most about cantonese people: they really know how to sing praises. a visit from my cantonese relatives is a major ego booster. so she commended about how dashing i looked and how sexy my tan is (and i shan't talk too much about before you guys decide to read something else instead). the other reason why i love cantonese people is that they speak really fast so in the same 45 minute visit, they can manage to cover 5 of cmg's visit to the doctors', how sick the jurassic park granny is and how her sons pushed her around cause they dont want to take care of her, her fixed deposit, the inevitable retrenchment of her son and of course this years budget.

next was jurassic park granny. she looked really cute this year in her granny clothes and a hot pink hairband, hell i will choose her over hello kitties any year. shes really sick now and she cant give my mother oranges without help cause her arthritis is really bad. this year my really hot cousin came before us and so i sat on the sofa watching her all the time. actually it was only this year that i realized that she had an older brother cause i was all too interested in his sister and my dick and hence ignoring the presence of a competing dick.

the 3rd house i went to was the pau bitch (well you will know why she became a pau bitch this year later). the weirdest thing this year was that the aunt who loved to talk to my mother hid in her room all the time. my mother reckoned that it was due to the fact that my brother OWNED her daughter's FUGLY ASS at PSLE. anyway the pau bitch served us paus this year which my stomach graciously accepted with extra servings cause she said that she bought the paus from tanjiong ru(it was freakin tanjoing ru damit how do you beat their paus?!). well they say greed is the root of all evil and my worn out anus and i can testify - i spent the night and the next day shitting and farting.

finally i went to my ah ma house where i helped my cousin lose $2.50.

well cny aint over for me cause day 2 is brunch with my paternal side of my very very big family tree. this year only one of my cousin whom i often mistake as a bowling ball came in a really red sweater which makes him look like those crab meat thingys with the claw. the others are probably on their 3-for-1 liposuction package. well thats really good cause no one is going to snatch my roast pork. my uncles are so freaking full of fats and oil that looking at them makes me wanna blot my face. speaking of being disgusted by them, i was rather grotesque during that dinner. well as you know i was high on shit flow taht day but i cant leave the table then come back smelling like 17 years of shit all over my body. side note: the restaurant was really packed and the chairs had holes at the back. back to the story, i had no choice but to let out silent farts through the holes but as we all know, silent ones are the deadliest. and so whenever i farted i turned around, pinched my nose and made a distinctive frown at the guy sitting behind me. hell it smelled so bad that it was quite impressive; even Chanel would want to bottle it and debut its so-stinky-till-it-smells-so-nice series (i call it Chanel no.-1).

so i fastforward past my mundane 3 days in school till to day when cmg made her annual pilgrimage to my house for a 5 hr visit. thank god she gave us a 60 percent this year and stayed for only 2 hrs

CNY is more or less over for me. i challenge all bloggers to blog about how bad their CNY was. the worst cny wins a lifetime membership in my fanclub and a guranteed position in my council.