my neighbours

well theres something i should tell about my neighbours. none of them are sane.

starting from the family on the left of my block. not long before they moved, they were still looking great. the husband had a small inverted triangle body shape with muscles so tight that you just might be able to reach into his rack and eat his abs like mantous. the wife was hot: tall slender and tanned. but over the years a daughter popped out. i dont know if its due to the pregnancy or the husband's humongous dingo, but the wife's hips widdened like canyon. they got fat over the days and now they are like any other potbellied-husband-flabby-wife combo. they are an oddly happy family. Every saturday or sunday, they will have their family/friends gathering. i have never once heard them shout or cry. its usually the boisterous laughter filling their house and emanating to the corridors. what the fuck? why are they so friggin happy when they are so fat. i bet the reason why i dont hear their quarrels is cause their parents ,who renovated their house personally, built a underground dungeon. every night, the husband andwife would have to go back to the dungeon to wait on their parents hand and feet or they shall be whipped. in an attempt to put up a facade, they employed actors to act as their family members every weekend. ah ha! thats where they made the most obvious mistake: no family is that happy all the time unless they are all high on crack.

neighbour 2 is the family living along the corridor. god this is ODD with double cap Ds. lets just start with the mother. she is this auntie who we all nicknamed wan bao. this ingenious nickname was coined by me cause she is really like some tabloid magazine. she has her paparazzi planted at every block she kinda knows whats going on in the entire estate all the time. she is the most fearful gossip queen i have every heard of. sometimes i am forced to walk with her back home from the MRT. she would then fill me in with LOTS AND LOTS of gossips like "you know or not huh, the auntie at the end hor, her son ar broke up with his girl friend leh. aiyo yound people nowadays ar, cannot be together for long one leh. eh you got girl friend or not?" yes and ever so often she would try to dig dirt about my family. her daughter is also another force not to be meddled with. after she got back her As, she was so sad that she CAME TO MY FRIGGIN HOUSE. like WTF! apparently she treats my house like some counseling centre. so SHE MADE US LISTEN TO HER SOB STORIES ABOUT HOW SHE WAS NOT DOIN WELL IN JJC. like fuck i care. the son aint some saint either. i cant stand it when he tries to be chummy with me all the time. the worst part was there was one i went out to take out the trash in my AC dance shirt. AND HE FRIGGIN SAW. so he came out to tell me how much he loved dancing in JJC (we are of the same age and he is in JJ dance). "why dont we both do dance one day". Weird look.

finally there is the china people above me. yep the auntie who complained about my singing is from that family. in chronological order, in the past, the china father and the china son smoked at the balcony and shook their cigarette ashes out the balcony. they then got blown into my balcony directly below. side note: my parents are CLEAN FREAKS. anyway, my father just mopped the balcony and when he realised that it was dirty again, he went up to complain. after that, she auntie caught me singing at 6 am and complained. an eye for an eye. then there was another time when we found dust-like particles in our balcony. my mum went up to complain thinking that they threw ashes again. and so my mum went up and the auntie said that no one was smoking. she then assured my mum "oh 不是灰尘, 是我的头皮屑"

tragic death

there was a tragic death yesterday.

a Burmese woman jumped to her death at my block from the 9th storey.

her body was crushed outside the lift lobby; her blood ran between the tiles and into the drain; her hair was wet with blood; her eyes were closed (well according to psychological research, people who do not have the guts to face their problems do not have their guts to see their own death); her mouth was in a pout as her lips pressed against the cold hard tiles; her teeth was in a mess, all covered in dark red blood; her body laid motionless, in a face-down-sprawled-eagle pose.

actually i did not see her body cause at that time i was still frolicking in slumberland but that is how i have always pictured deaths from suicide jumps to be. suicide cases have been on the rise these 2 months. i blame their weakened mentality while others blamed the recession. why is everyone dropping dead... literally?

parting gift

i guess i have never introduced my room mate properly. anyway hes ho sheng rui 16 currently 1 metres tall. i have always saw him as my little brother, if not my son.

this was his parting gift:

all good things

boarding life with voices from heaven is officially over...

i guess boarding in term 3 will be far different from this term. without shengz, norminal fee, soggy, jackie chan, tty...

i just wanna thank the people above for making my boarding life so interesting. frankly speaking i kinda detested hostel life initially but after a while i kinda found a family in boarding school.

argh fuck. why do all good things come to an end?

biological warfare

the Boarding School is seriously cocking up my biological clock.

since i have been there, i sleep at 12am or later on weekdays.

its currently 1.56 according to Chelsea (my computer) and i still cant sleep! my eyes are tired but my body wants to go on. ohmymotherloadofcrappyanusgoo i have no idea what that is either.

a hanger, bunch of insects, a hot butt and 2 sets of very very sick minds

this was how i remembered it.

soggy and i were tired and bored. and insect (Jamie) flew in. soggy killed it. i found another insect (victor) running around on the floor. curious to see what would victor would do when he sees jamie lying dead in front of it, we dropped jamie in this path. as victor approached, i was waiting to watch a necrophillic insect porn but nah victor was too much of a pussy to shag already dead jamie. in fact victor avoided jamie just as i flee from a cockroach. i guess theres a section in the insect penal code that says :

sex with another sex-legged creepy crawly(crawlies) is ground for de-wingment.

anyway we found many other insects and so we decided to use this random hanger to torture them : the hanger was lifted up and down at high frequency, replicating an automatic execution scaffold, in the path of the puny creatures.

most died of course. the most amusing case is this fly's abdomen was partially flattened. but it continued to flee from the death-o-hanger, with its innards spilling out.

some were smart enough to notice that the hanger wasnt entirely straight and escaped through the gaps. others flapped their wings and saved their asses. nevertheless the hanger caught up with them and ...

there was one insect that was really long, like 3 underscores(___) long. well the longer they are the easier to kill.

then there was a daddy-long-legs spider who ran frantically, even as it lost its legs one by one.

after the brief genocide, i was crouching on the bed trying to sleep. then soggy started to rape my hot butt with the execution tool.

now, i feel like shitting all the time.

everything is going to be alright

Shengz currently has some problems of his own.
but everything is going to be straightened out for sure tomorrow, cause i told him so.
everything would be better i hope.

i have got problems of my own too but i prefer to solve them myself but they aint gonna be solved any time soon. i guess i shall just wait till that day comes.

all happy couples shall die die die

just as the title says argh KAP is totally swarming with disgusting couples today argh. its mac donald's head quaters damit. either you eat or you screw the ronald macdonalds statue, no private sexcapades in the compound.

everyone is freakin attached except my fellow lonesome comrades :) take pride in being single my men, your life has only enough space for 1.

elementary my dear watson

today's math paper was, to put it all in one word, "friggin easy"

call me arrogant but skipped cause they were too easy for me babe. who the hell cant solve 3 equations and 5 unknowns simultaneously, working on that question is just a waste of my time which could be spent on other more brain straining questions.

all in all i completed about 12 marks out of 30 worth of questions and i sure do expect an A this time, as usual.

by the way how do you "do the helen keller"?

Vanadium is my new name

Swimming Nationals

this years swimming nationals was far more exciting than last year's well mainly cause of THE FAT GUY (TFG)

well anyway this was how it all went:

my coach told me that TFG was some muscular dude who was the lead swimmer in their team so i kinda was scared of him. TFG was swimming in the lane next to me by the way.

and so during reporting, to my horror, TFG is some ginormous can of ghee but dont be deceived by his oily and cuddly out look, cause he is kinda like a whale in the pool. i seriously wonder if fats and swimming are related in any way. he was swimming faster than me for the 1st 6 laps cause i was half freaking out due to the fact that there were 4 water polo swimmers in my heat. so for the rest of the 24 laps i told myself "better pawn that fat ass and show him that swimming is a skinny-person sport. well anyway at my 27th lap i was close to that swine then, the officials drop the line. well you see after a certain time limit, the officials would have drop the line in the pool well life sucks. din catch up with that swine finally bleh.

officially hate fat people now.

Norman

NORMAN (verb)
Past tense / past participle : normaned

pronounced as Noor-Men

To "norman", is to walk around with shorts but no underwear.

eg. I normaned my way to my room after a shower.